Many times we don't believe that the desires of our hearts are attainable. We rest in having big dreams for ourselves that we only think about at our wits end or when we're tired and want something new. Rarely do we acknowledge that our dreams have to stop being dreams and become the direction we want our lives to go in and take it there.
This year I set some goals, some of which were dreams. I actively started working to pursue them and put my energy into manifesting them. Y'all. THEY👏🏾 ARE👏🏾 HAPPENING 👏🏾 TO👏🏾 ME👏🏾 Over the last week, I've had meetings, signed contracts, and successful conference calls pertaining to my future. There is nothing that I cannot do. I had to believe that about myself and operate from that space.
It's easy to focus on the destruction and chaos of this world. On what the other folks around you are doing. On your sister's new health kick that's working for her as you struggle with your self-esteem and weight. On getting a new car because both of your neighbors have one. On who you're going to vote to be President. The life your ex has that ended up in your news feed. Your parents wanting you to give them grandkids when you're content with your career and the life you have. Being holier because your pastor said that that is what God wants. Being less "you" because the people in your office are more comfortable with the version of you that is in their head than who you really are.
Many times what is standing in our way is the messages we tell ourselves, about ourselves that we start to believe. We don't feel like we can do/be/have/experience _____________ because ______________(insert reason). And we leave it there. We start to believe that the world, it's systems, our friends, family, barista, person in front of us in traffic, manicurist, cross fit instructor, etc. are against us, and because "they" seem so large to us, we hop on the struggle bus and resort to turning against ourselves by repeating and internalizing those messages. And instead of developing and engineering the lives we want, we look at others to compare and fail to use that energy to invest in our own.
The thing about negative self-talk is that we don't realize how much we do it. And the world in which we live in further perpetuates self-doubt, conflicting messages, and inferiority by telling us that we need more money, better skin, a thinner body, longer hair, bigger muscles, a new car, advanced degrees, more social clout, etc. All those messages coming at us can easily make us forget who we are. All those messages can deaden our spirit and silence our innate voice of knowing what's best for us and the will to go make it possible.
Think about if you walked into Starbucks to get your hazelnut americano (with room for cream) and as you were about to order your barista yelled a message at you that you've told yourself:
"YOU JUST CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT."
"YOU'RE A FAILURE!"
"No one loves you."
"You're fat and no one wants to love you."
"You're such a bad mom."
"Your body is horrible."
"You'll never reach your goals."
"You want to own a business? No one would ever even work with you."
Most likely you would take a step back, look at them, and defend yourself. Chances are you wouldn't let a person devalue you in that way because it doesn't feel good, you don't liked to be talked to that way (at least in public), those words are hurtful and they're not very nice, and all you wanted was your hazelnut americano (which is my favorite pick me up at Starbucks in case you wanted to know). And if you are reading this and you wouldn't say anything or would agree with the angry Barista, would it look different if they said those words to a stranger? Chances are our response would be to defend the humanity and uphold the dignity of the person in front of us, because in some ways we see ourselves mirrored through humanity and also because we don't like to bear witness to the mistreatment of people.
So why is it that we would defend ourselves or someone else when they're being talked to harshly or with negative words but can't or won't do it for ourselves?
With negative self-talk, there is no built-in defense mechanism. We go to war with ourselves and have no defenses to remind us that the way we are warring against our spirit, bodies, and minds is being quickly absorbed, internalized, and wrecking us by fueling our lives with toxic energy and destroying our relationships- especially the one we have with ourselves.
But when you turn your focus and attention to the intrinsic voice inside of you after you align it with your goals, desires, talents, and passion you will start to make sense of your life. Your purpose will become clear. And you actualize that the life you've always wanted has always been yours.
To change the stream in which our lives flow, I want you to start some simple affirmations that you can say to yourself, write somewhere and post, program it in your phone as an alarm that goes off throughout the day, voicemails you leave yourself, etc. When you find your negative thoughts about yourself spinning out of control say to yourself:
"I am learning new things every day. I even learn from my mistakes."
"I can do this. I am strong."
"I am empowered to change what is around me."
"The divine is with me and in me."
"I release what no longer serves me."
"I can change course right now."
"I am a good mom/dad/husband/wife/partner."
"I don't have to be perfect to be loved. I am worthy just the way I am."
"I don't have to shrink myself to meet anyone else's expectations of me."
"I am discovering new things about myself daily, as I learn about myself, I make a choice to love myself."
"I am a great parent."
"I open my heart to receive unconditional love."
"I notice and delight in the blessings around me."
Healing begins when we stop acts of terror against ourselves. Filling our pain with addictions, distractions, and negatively to soothe what we're uncomfortable dealing with. Pain, defeat, and living as a victim isn't self-love or reverence. You have to decide that where you are, who you are, and what you aren't isn't where you want to be and move towards affirming and cultivating the highest version of yourself. From that space, you will be able to go after your vision, goals, passions.
Go do what scares you. Do hard things. Do what makes your whole and brings you joy.
There is nothing that you can't do. Nothing.